When your teen is struggling—whether it’s with anxiety, school, friends, or life in general—it’s natural to want to fix things right away. But in our well-meaning attempts, we sometimes make mistakes that can unintentionally create more distance or pressure.
I’m a psychologist who has served teens and college students since 2005. If you’re focused on helping a struggling teen, here are three common mistakes to avoid—and what to do instead.
Mistake #1: Jumping Into “Fix-It” Mode Too Quickly
Why it happens: Parents want their kid to feel better, fast. When they were little, it was your job to jump in and make it better for them.
However, a developmental shift is happening where our role changes. Instead of fixing it for them, we’re now building up their skills. When we rush into advice-giving, problem-solving, or telling them what to do, it can feel dismissive or like we’re rushing past them—even if our intentions are good.
The better approach: Focus on parenting in a calm, cool, collected way. I know, this is much easier said than done.
When your teen opens up, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, listen with presence. Say things like, “That sounds really hard,” or “I’m here for you,” to show emotional support. Teens are more likely to accept guidance once they feel fully heard and understood.
Mistake #2: Assuming They Don’t Want Your Help
Why it happens: If your teen shrugs, walks away, or says “I’m fine,” it can feel like they’re shutting you out. But often, struggling teens do want support—they just want it on their terms.
The better approach: Learn how to support without pressure. Offer your presence without demanding a response. You might say, “I know you’re going through a lot. I’m here whenever you want to talk.” Keep showing up consistently in low-pressure ways. Trust is built slowly—and teens notice when you’re patient.
This strategy plants a seed by letting them know you’re available. Then they get to choose when to connect, if and when they’re ready.
Mistake #3: Letting Your Own Anxiety Take the Lead
Why it happens: Watching your teen suffer can stir up intense emotions—worry, fear, even guilt. But when we act from our own anxiety, we might unintentionally escalate the situation.
The better approach: Ground yourself first. Take a few deep breaths or a short walk before having a difficult conversation. When you model emotional regulation, you’re teaching your teen what healthy coping looks like—and that their emotions don’t have to be feared or fixed immediately.
Final Thoughts
If your teen is struggling, remember: your non-anxious presence is more powerful than any perfect words or solutions. How they feel in your presence makes a bigger difference than anything you say or do.
Avoiding these three common mistakes can help you build trust, reduce tension, and support your teen’s growth in a way that feels safe for both of you.
Looking for more support? Check out my free training for parents of anxious teens to learn practical tools you can start using today.
Read this next: If you’re struggling to help your struggling teen, it might be time to explore more structured support. Finding the best online course for anxious youth can help you know exactly what to do and how to help.
Dr. Parke is a licensed psychologist who has been serving students since 2005. She completed her internship and fellowship training at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She has spent thousands of hours directly serving students as their therapist, including in her private practice. She also has ten years of teaching experience as a university psychology professor.