When we’re feeling nervous or unsure about how to start conversations, it can feel intimidating.
We worry that we won’t know what to say, that we’ll come off as awkward, or that others might judge us.
But conversations are essential for making connections, building friendships, and feeling more comfortable in social situations.
If you’ve ever felt that knot in your stomach when you’re about to speak to someone new or worried that your words might come out wrong, you’re not alone.
The good news is that starting conversations doesn’t have to be so daunting.
With some practical tips and a little practice, you can build your confidence and make talking to others feel more natural.
I’m a psychologist for teens and college students, and in the video below I’ll teach you 5 tips for starting conversations.
Whether you’re a teen navigating social situations at school or a college student meeting new people on campus, these strategies can help you approach conversations with a little more ease.
Watch the Video: How to Start Conversations with Confidence
5 Tips to Start Conversations with Ease
Here’s a breakdown of the five tips from the video, along with some practical advice on how to use them in everyday situations.
1. Ask Open-Ended Questions
One of the easiest ways to kick off a conversation is to ask an open-ended question.
These are questions that can’t be answered with just a simple “yes” or “no.”
Instead, they invite the other person to share a bit more about themselves.
For example, instead of asking, “Did you have fun at the game?” (which could just get a “yes” or “no”), try something like:
- “How was your game this weekend?”
- “What was your favorite part?”
- “How has your week been going?”
Open-ended questions give the person a chance to share their thoughts and experiences, which can lead to a more meaningful conversation.
2. Give a Compliment
Everyone appreciates a little positive attention, especially when it’s genuine.
Compliments are a great way to break the ice and make someone feel good.
You can even combine a compliment with a question to keep the conversation going.
Try these:
- “I love your haircut.”
- “Your jacket is awesome. Where did you get it?”
- “Your presentation was great. How did you come up with that idea?”
Just remember to keep compliments authentic.
3. Stay Curious
Sometimes, you might feel stuck after someone answers your question.
Instead of panicking or overthinking what to say next, stay curious.
Try to learn more about the person by asking a follow-up question or making a curious statement.
If someone mentions they play an instrument, for example, you could say:
- “That’s really cool! How long have you been playing?”
- “Wow, I’ve always wanted to learn that. What got you into it?”
Curiosity shows that you’re genuinely interested in what the other person has to say.
Plus, it keeps the conversation moving along.
4. Be an Active Listener
People love feeling heard and understood.
One way to show you’re paying attention is by actively listening and reflecting back what the other person says.
This can look like repeating part of their statement or expressing empathy.
For instance:
- If someone says, “I’m so stressed about finals,” you might respond, “Yeah, finals can feel overwhelming for sure.”
- If a friend says, “I didn’t get the role I wanted in the play,” you could say, “That really sucks. I know you put so much time and effort into the audition.”
Reflecting their feelings shows that you’re not just hearing the words—they know you actually care.
5. Look for Ways to Serve
Sometimes, starting a conversation can be as simple as offering help or being thoughtful.
This works especially well in group settings or when meeting someone for the first time.
For example:
- If you’re at a party, offer to help set up or clean up.
- In class, if someone looks lost, ask if they need help finding something.
- At a social event, compliment the host and offer to assist with small tasks.
Looking for ways to make someone else’s day a bit better not only takes the pressure off you but also creates positive connections.
Practice Makes Progress
Like any skill, starting conversations becomes easier the more you practice. If one approach doesn’t work, try another.
The important thing is to keep putting yourself out there and not get discouraged if it doesn’t go perfectly every time.
Sometimes you might feel awkward or stumble over your words—that’s okay. Remember, everyone has been there at some point.
The more you practice, the more comfortable it will feel.
For Parents: How To Help
If you’re the parent of a teen or college student, check out my free training for parents.
You’ll learn three keys to help your anxious kid move forward with the next steps in their education and friendships.
📌 Click here to get the free training.
Why Building Conversation Skills Matters
Learning how to start conversations is a skill that will help you in so many areas of life—from making new friends to building professional connections.
Feeling confident when talking to others can boost your self-esteem and make social situations less stressful.
So, next time you’re in a situation where you’re not sure what to say, remember these five tips.
Practice them, be patient with yourself, and know that it’s totally normal to feel unsure sometimes.
With time, you’ll find your own rhythm and feel more comfortable engaging with others.
If you enjoyed these tips or found them helpful, consider subscribing to our YouTube channel for more mental health tips, tools, and real stories.
Dr. Parke is a licensed psychologist who has been serving students since 2005. She completed her internship and fellowship training at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She has spent thousands of hours directly serving students as their therapist, including in her private practice. She also has ten years of teaching experience as a university psychology professor.