Your college student calls you late at night, voice tight with anxiety. They can’t sleep. There’s an exam tomorrow, and the stress has spiraled into a vicious cycle of worry and wakefulness. As a parent, you want to help, but what can you actually do from a distance?
Test anxiety affects 25% to 40% of students, and when combined with insomnia, it becomes an even more challenging situation. The good news? There are concrete strategies you can share with your student that will help them regain control and perform better, even after a sleepless night.
I’m a psychologist who has been helping college students since 2005 and taught as a university psychology professor for 10 years. I’m here to help you support your kid. Let’s consider how they can have a shift in perspective and what specific, actionable techniques they can use.
Understanding the Test Anxiety-Insomnia Connection
When your student experiences test anxiety, their nervous system interprets the upcoming exam as a genuine threat. This physiological response triggers stress hormones that make falling asleep difficult or impossible.
Sleep disruption and insomnia then lead to increased anxiety, as lack of sleep reduces the brain’s ability to regulate emotions, creating a feedback loop that intensifies both problems.
The night before an important exam, your student might lie awake catastrophizing about worst-case scenarios, which only amplifies their anxiety and pushes sleep further away. This is where your guidance as a parent becomes invaluable.
4 Strategies to Share With Your Anxious College Student
You can watch me explain these 4 strategies in my video below. They’re also summarized below the video for you.
1. Focus on What They Can Control
Gently suggest how your student can distinguish between what’s within their power and what isn’t. They can’t force their body to fall asleep, but they can control their response to being awake.
Encourage them to identify controllable factors:
- Their self-talk and attitude about the situation
- Study strategies and preparation
- How they respond to sleeplessness
- Actions they take the morning of the exam
This simple shift from “I need to sleep” to “I can manage how I respond” reduces the powerlessness that fuels anxiety.
2. Conduct an Accurate Threat Assessment
Students experiencing test anxiety often have inaccurate beliefs about themselves and overestimate the negative consequences of exams. I encourage students to ask themselves realistic questions:
- In the context of this semester, this year, and their entire college career, how significant is this one exam really?
- If the worst-case scenario happens, will anyone be harmed?
- Does struggling on one test mean they’re destined for failure?
Help your student zoom out and see the bigger picture. One exam doesn’t define their worth, intelligence, or future success. If they’re catastrophizing, gently challenge those thoughts with reality checks.
Additionally, problem-solve together. If they do perform poorly, what options exist? Extra credit opportunities? Meeting with the professor or TA? Tutoring resources? Sometimes just having a backup plan reduces anxiety significantly.
3. Modify the Goal When Sleep Won’t Come
After trying reasonable sleep hygiene practices (dimming screens, deep breathing, listening to calming content), if sleep still won’t come, it’s time to shift goals. Continuing to fight for sleep only increases frustration and anxiety.
I suggest accepting the reality: “You are awake. The sooner you accept this, the better you can respond to it.” Instead of lying in bed stressing, your student can use the time productively by studying, organizing notes, completing other tasks, or reading. This transforms frustration into agency.
This doesn’t mean pulling an all-nighter is ideal, but it recognizes that accepting what cannot be changed reduces suffering.
4. Challenge the Assumption That Tonight Determines Tomorrow
Your student may be convinced that no sleep equals exam failure. This belief isn’t supported by reality. While being tired isn’t pleasant, many students have successfully taken exams after poor sleep.
Help them adjust expectations realistically rather than catastrophically. They might feel tired and perform slightly below their best-case scenario, but that doesn’t mean they’ll fail. They can still function, think, and demonstrate their knowledge.
Remind them that after the exam, if they have time, they can rest and recover. The sleepless night is temporary, not permanent.
How Parents Can Provide Meaningful Support
Parents, guardians, and educators can play an active role in supporting students experiencing test anxiety by providing resources, teaching relaxation techniques, and working with students to figure out what works best for their unique circumstances.
When your student reaches out in distress:
Listen without dismissing. Avoid saying “Everyone’s stressed” or “You’ll be fine.” Instead, validate their experience: “I hear how difficult this is for you.”
Share these strategies without lecturing. Send them the video link or plant a seed from one of these four tips via text message.
Encourage them to use campus resources. Campus mental health services can evaluate anxiety levels and recommend appropriate support, from peer counseling to therapy to accommodations.
Help them maintain perspective without minimizing. You can acknowledge that the exam matters while also reminding them it’s not everything. Both are true.
Avoid adding pressure. Parents should provide guidance and support while avoiding excessive pressure for academic performance.
The Reality About Test Performance After Insomnia
One of the most helpful perspectives to share is this: a sleepless night doesn’t automatically mean failure. While test anxiety can lead to poor test results when it manifests as extreme distress, the anxiety itself is often more damaging than the actual lack of sleep.
When students accept their situation rather than fighting against it, practice self-compassion, and use concrete coping strategies, they often perform far better than they feared. The human body and brain are remarkably resilient, even when tired.
Moving Forward: Long-Term Support for Your Student
Test anxiety and sleep difficulties often signal that your student could benefit from additional support. Your student isn’t alone in struggling, and these are solvable problems.
Beyond sharing these immediate coping strategies, consider having a conversation about longer-term solutions like therapy, academic coaching, or joining a supportive community where they can connect with peers facing similar challenges.
Remember, your role as a parent isn’t to fix everything, but to provide perspective, resources, and unconditional support as your student learns to navigate these challenges themselves.
Free Training for Parents: Help Your Student Move Forward
If you want to learn more about how to support your anxious or stressed college student, I invite you to watch my free training specifically designed for parents.
Free Training: Help Your Student Move Forward With Their Next Steps
Here are three keys you’ll learn in the parent training:
1️⃣ How happiness can actually be a harmful goal (and what to do instead so your student can have a successful, fulfilling adulthood)
2️⃣ The psychological superpower that prevents meltdowns and helps students do hard things
3️⃣ The little-known tool that can help students live a normal life (regardless of whether they ever find a root cause of their anxiety)
You’ll learn about these three keys, how to help your student move forward, and how our online program can help.
Access the free parent training here →
Dr. Parke is a licensed psychologist who has been serving students since 2005. She completed her internship and fellowship training at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She has spent thousands of hours directly serving students as their therapist, including in her private practice. She also has ten years of teaching experience as a university psychology professor.