How to Ask for Help in College Before Things Get Worse

One of the hardest parts of asking for help in college is deciding whether your situation is “bad enough.”

You may tell yourself you should handle it on your own, that other students have bigger problems, or that you need to figure out exactly what is wrong before you talk to someone.

Actually… you don’t.

Asking for help can begin much earlier and much more simply: something is getting in the way, and you want help figuring out the next step.

1. Start with the problem you can actually describe

You don’t need a diagnosis or a perfect explanation.

You can start with what you’re noticing:

• “I keep missing deadlines even though I’m trying to stay on top of them.”
• “I’m having trouble getting myself to class.”
• “I don’t understand this material and I’m falling behind.”
• “I’ve been overwhelmed and I’m not sure what to prioritize.”
• “I’m having a hard time concentrating.”
• “I’ve been feeling isolated and it is starting to affect me.”

Specific observations give the other person something to respond to.

2. Choose the person who is closest to the problem

College support can feel confusing because different offices do different things.

A useful starting point is to match the problem to the person most likely to help with that part of it.

• For questions about a specific class, start with the professor, TA, tutor, or academic support center.
• For planning, academic standing, registration, or degree questions, an advisor may be the best starting point.
• For study habits, organization, or academic follow-through, look for academic coaching or student success support.
• For disability-related access or accommodations, contact disability and accessibility services.
• For emotional distress, mental health concerns, or help deciding what kind of support you need, counseling or health services may be appropriate.
• For financial problems, contact financial aid or the relevant student services office.

If you choose the “wrong” office, that’s usually fixable. Ask them where they recommend you go next. Most kind, friendly people will point you where to go.

3. You can use a very simple message

Reaching out does not require a long explanation.

For example:

“Hi Professor Lee, I’ve fallen behind on the last two assignments, and I’m trying to make a plan for getting back on track. Could I come to office hours to talk about what I should prioritize?”

Or:

“Hi, I’m not sure if your office is the right place to start, but I’ve been having trouble keeping up with my coursework and I’d like help figuring out what support might be available.”

Clear and brief is enough.

4. Ask before you know what solution you want

You might know something’s not working without knowing what would fix it.

That is a legitimate reason to talk with someone.

Try asking:

• “What options do I have?”
• “What would you recommend I do first?”
• “Is there another office I should talk with?”
• “What happens if I can’t complete this by the deadline?”
• “What support do students usually use in this situation?”

Help-seeking is partly about gathering the information you need.

5. Bring the problem into the room, even if you feel embarrassed

Students often wait because they are ashamed of being behind, missing class, failing an exam, or not following through.

But the information you most want to hide may be exactly what the other person needs in order to help you accurately.

You don’t need to tell everyone everything. Share the information that is relevant to the support you are asking for.

6. Follow up when the first answer is not enough

Sometimes you reach out and get a generic response. Sometimes an office is full. Sometimes the person you ask is not the right person.

That can be discouraging, especially if asking the first time already took effort.

Try treating the first contact as one step in the process rather than proof that help is or is not available.

Reply with a specific question. Ask for a referral. Try the next office. Bring someone you trust with you if that makes the process easier.

7. Ask earlier when you can, but don’t decide that it’s too late

Earlier is often better because there may be more options available.

But “I should have asked two weeks ago” is not a reason to wait another week.

Reach out from where you are now.

When the situation feels urgent

If you’re worried about your immediate safety or are experiencing a serious mental health crisis, use the urgent or emergency support available through your campus or local community rather than relying on a general website resource.

For situations that are not emergencies, you still do not need to wait until they become one.

College support works better when you can bring a problem forward while there is still room to think about options.

You are allowed to ask a basic question

You don’t need the perfect words.

You can start with: “I’m having a hard time with this, and I’m not sure what to do next.”

That is enough to begin.

Dr. Jackie Parke

Dr. Parke is a licensed psychologist who has been serving students since 2005. She completed her internship and fellowship training at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She has spent thousands of hours directly serving students as their therapist, including in her private practice. She also has ten years of teaching experience as a university psychology professor.