If your college student is afraid of failing an upcoming exam, that can cause both of you a lot of stress and worry. As a parent, watching your kid struggle with test anxiety can feel overwhelming—especially when you’re not sure how to help from a distance.
I’m Dr. Jackie Parke, a psychologist who has been helping students since 2005. I also taught as a psychology professor for 10 years, so I’ve witnessed exam anxiety from both the student and educator perspective.
I’m here to help you through this. Here are 5 practical strategies you can teach your college student to help them calm their anxiety before their next big test.
Watch: How To Calm Anxiety When You’re Afraid Of Failing Exams
Watch the video above or read the summary below.
Understanding Your Student’s Exam Anxiety
Test anxiety is one of the most common struggles college students face. The pressure to maintain scholarships, meet admission requirements for graduate school, or simply prove they belong in college can make every exam feel catastrophic. When your student calls you in tears before a midterm or goes silent for days before finals, it’s hard to know what to say or do.
But here’s what I want you to know: there are concrete strategies you can share with your student that will help them manage their fear and perform better under pressure.
5 Strategies to Share With Your Anxious Student
1. The Existential Perspective: Help Them Zoom Out on Life’s Bigger Picture
I know this might sound heavy for a conversation about exams, but one of the most powerful anxiety-reducers is perspective. You can gently, even humorously, remind your student of this truth: any of us could be hit by a bus tomorrow.
When people are on their death beds, they’re typically not wishing their GPA was a little higher or that they aced their calculus final. They’re thinking about relationships, love, meaning, and the people who mattered most to them.
This isn’t about dismissing your student’s very real stress—it’s about helping them remember that one exam doesn’t define their worth, their future, or their identity. When anxiety makes the stakes feel life-or-death, sometimes the most loving thing you can do is help your student zoom way out and remember what truly matters.
2. Problem-Solve the Worst-Case Scenario Together
Fear grows in the dark. One of the best gifts you can give your anxious student is to shine a light on their biggest fear by asking: “What if you did fail this exam? What would actually happen?”
Walk through this scenario together:
- If they got an F on this one exam, are there other assignments, quizzes, or exams that could offset it?
- Is extra credit available?
- Could they meet with the professor or TA to discuss options?
- Could they work with a tutor or learn new study strategies before the next test?
- If needed, could they talk to an academic advisor about dropping or withdrawing from the class?
- What if they failed the entire class? How bad would that actually be in the grand scheme of their college career?
Here’s the truth I want you to be able to tell your student with confidence: failing one exam—or even one class—is not the end of the world. It’s not the end of their college career, their future, or their dreams. When they realize they have options and can survive even the worst-case scenario, the anxiety often loses its power.
3. Help Them Put This in Context
I want to share something vulnerable with you that might help you encourage your student. When I was in college, I got a D in a class. And here’s the irony: it was Developmental Psychology!
That D felt absolutely devastating. I was embarrassed, ashamed, and worried I wasn’t smart enough to become a psychologist. But you know what happened? I still got into graduate school. I still earned my doctorate. I became a licensed psychologist who worked with youth for nearly two decades. And then I taught Developmental Psychology—the very class I got a D in—as a professor for many years!
That D is now a funny story I tell to normalize failure for my students and clients.
Your student needs to hear stories like this. They need to know that one failed exam, or even several failed exams, can be put into the context of an entire semester, academic year, and college career. Employers and graduate schools aren’t looking for perfect students—they’re looking for teachable people with character. They want students who have faced setbacks and learned from them.
Even high-stakes professional exams can be retaken. Some of my most skilled psychologist colleagues didn’t pass our licensure exam the first time. They’re now excellent clinicians I trust completely and refer clients to.
4. Teach Them to Focus on What They Can Control
This is perhaps the most important skill you can help your student develop: distinguishing between what’s in their control and what isn’t.
Your student CAN control:
- Their study strategies and preparation methods
- Techniques to calm their body (like deep breathing)
- How much time they dedicate to studying
- Their self-talk before and during exams
- Their test-taking approach
- Their commitment to the process of learning
- How they measure personal growth over time
Your student CANNOT control:
- How the professor designs the test
- The format or difficulty of questions
- The teaching style or assessment methods
- How quickly exams are graded
- The final grade outcome
Help your student understand that every minute spent worrying about things outside their control is wasted energy that could be redirected toward effective preparation, self-care, and building confidence.
5. Encourage Them to Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway
Here’s what your student needs to hear from you: showing up to take an exam while feeling terrified is courage. Real courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s feeling the fear and choosing to act anyway.
If this exam is pushing your student outside their comfort zone, that’s actually where growth happens. This is how they develop resilience, grit, and the ability to do hard things even when they’re scared. These are life skills that will serve them far beyond college.
And remind both yourself and your student: this will be over soon. Exams don’t last forever. This too shall pass.
What You Can Do as a Parent Right Now
Your role as a parent during exam season is crucial. Here’s how you can best support your anxious student:
Listen without trying to immediately fix everything. Sometimes your student just needs to vent their fears to someone who loves them unconditionally.
Validate their feelings first. Say things like “That sounds really stressful” or “I can hear how worried you are” before jumping to solutions.
Share perspective gently. Your student might not be ready to hear “it’s just one test” when they’re in panic mode. Wait for the right moment.
Help them problem-solve. Walk through worst-case scenarios together so they see they have options no matter what happens.
Remind them of their resilience. When have they been anxious before and still succeeded? When have they struggled to do something yet still showed up?
Take care of yourself too. Your student’s anxiety can trigger your own worry and stress. Remember that their grades don’t reflect your worth as a parent.
Most importantly: Make sure your student knows your love and support aren’t contingent on their academic performance.
Building Long-Term Resilience Beyond Exam Season
If your college student struggles with ongoing anxiety that extends beyond just test stress, I want you to know that you don’t have to figure this out alone. There are tools, strategies, and support systems that can help your student not just survive college, but truly thrive.
If you want to learn more about how to support your anxious or stressed college student, I invite you to watch my free training specifically designed for parents.
Free Training: Help Your Student Move Forward With Their Next Steps
Here are three keys you’ll learn in the parent training:
1️⃣ How happiness can actually be a harmful goal (and what to do instead so your student can have a successful, fulfilling adulthood)
2️⃣ The psychological superpower that prevents meltdowns and helps students do hard things
3️⃣ The little-known tool that can help students live a normal life (regardless of whether they ever find a root cause of their anxiety)
You’ll learn about these three keys, how to help your student move forward, and how our online program can help.
Access the free parent training here →
Dr. Parke is a licensed psychologist who has been serving students since 2005. She completed her internship and fellowship training at the Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She has spent thousands of hours directly serving students as their therapist, including in her private practice. She also has ten years of teaching experience as a university psychology professor.